Category: Humour

Another Doctor Joke

Peter told me this joke, which he heard from our good friend and neighbour, Mick.

See if it will make you giggle, as we did.

doctor_5A man and his wife went to see the doctor (General Practitioner, GP).

The wife explained her medical symptoms to the doctor.

After examination, the doctor prescribed her some pills.

He told her to start taking one tablet on Monday and then skip to Wednesday; to take the next tablet and then skip again to Friday;  take another and skip to Monday to complete the course.

A week later the husband went back to see the doctor.

The doctor asked him how his wife was.

The husband replied that she had sadly passed away.

The doctor was surprised and asked what happened.

The husband said that it was all the skipping that killed her.

Sunday Giggle: Tall Dark & Well built

Two women

Two women

We hope you are having a gorgeous, restful Sunday.

A big smile and perhaps a real laugh out loud (LOL) moment as we bring you a ……..

Sunday Giggle: Tall Dark & Well built

A woman went to the police station with her bff to report her husband’s disappearance.

They ask her for a description, and she says quite readily, “He’s six feet, three inches tall, well-built, with thick, curly hair.”

Her friend says, “What are you talking about?  Your husband is five-feet-four, bald, and has a huge belly.”

And she says, “Who wants that one back?”

LOL

Joking&Jesting: Men And Cars

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After a day of shopping, three women relaxed over a free flowing bottles of vino. 🙂

They talked.  They chatted.  They prattled. They jabbered.  They gossiped.

Joking&Jesting: Men And Cars

With much giggling and more wine, the conversation turned to sex as it usually does.

The first woman purred “my husband is like a Jaguar, he is fast and powerful.”

Not to be outdone, the second woman said, “my husband is like a Rolls Royce, smooth and refined.”

1911Hartford_autoJack_coverThe third woman, blurted and confided rather painfully, “my husband is like a 1911 Ford, it needed a hand to crank it up.”

Have a lovely weekend.  SMILE!

Thought for the Day: Laughter

Always laugh when you can.  It’s cheap medicine.
– Lord Byron

Go On

Go On

Laughter is the best medicine but if you laugh for no reason, you need medicine 🙂

Joy of Laughter

Just the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.
—Carl Sagan

***
“Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.”
— Anthony Burgess (Author of Clockwork Orange)
Thought of the Day
2 Jan 2014
***
Laughter is the nearest you can get to God.
– Sarah Miles
***
Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else’s can shorten it.
—Cullen Hightower

Overheard Funny Funeral Conversation

Overheard Funny Funeral Conversation

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We all like an overheard conversation, most Saturday mornings  I visit my good friend and neighbour Mick. He is nearly 80 but he and his wife Vicky seem much younger.   They both still work  and Mick drives a school bus on school term week days . He  and Vicky may finally decide to retire on his 80th birthday in December.  I enjoy when Mick recounts stories and anecdotes from his long life.  Last Saturday, Mick recounted a funny story  and told me that  during the previous week,  he was driving locally on a main road  with Vicky, and he had to pull his van up behind a white van in front, which had been stopped by the traffic police.  A  traffic  police officer went over to the van driver and asked  to inspect his driving documents. My friends heard the  police officer then ask the driver if he had any passengers and was there  anybody in the back of the van, and if so were they using a seat belt?  The van driver replied that there was indeed a ‘passenger’ in the back of his van and pointed out the sign in big black letters   ‘funeral service ‘ painted on the side  his van and that the  ‘any’ body was in a coffin!

Mick and his wife were nearly in tears laughing and listening to this conversation. The police officer looked suitably embarrassed and chagrined.

Laugh a Little, Laugh a Lot

Below is a collection of classic jokes that have stood the test of my funny bones!

Share a laugh with us here at GlobalGranary.org

-Yellow-Emoticon-Rolling-On-The-Floor-And-LaughingPLENTY OF ROOM.

A visiting bishop, in Washington, was arguing with a senator on the desirability of attending church. At last he put the question squarely: “What is your personal reason for not attending?”

The senator smiled in a no-offense-intended way, as he replied: “The fact is, one finds so many hypocrites there.”

Returning the smile, the bishop said:

“Don’t let that keep you away, senator; there’s always room for one more.”

—Evening Post.
(Life & Literature – The Project Guttenberg)

……………………………………………………

The Artist

ARTIST—”I’d like to devote my last picture to a charitable purpose.”

CRITIC—”Why not give it to an institution for the blind?”

~~~

CRITIC—”By George, old chap, when I look at one of your paintings I stand and wonder—”

ARTIST—”How I do it?”

CRITIC “No; why you do it.”

………………………………………………………………..
The Bibliotheque
The owner of a large library solemnly warned a friend against the practice of lending books. To punctuate his advice he showed his friend the well-stocked shelves. “There!” said he. “Every one of those books was lent me.”
………………………………………………………………..

The Gifting of Books

“I don’t know what to give Lizzie for a Christmas present,” one chorus girl is reported to have said to her mate while discussing the gift to be made to a third.

“Give her a book,” suggested the other.

And the first one replied meditatively, “No, she’s got a book.”

—Literary Digest

…………….

“You may send me up the complete works of Shakespeare, Goethe and Emerson—also something to read.”

………………………………………………………………..

The Boss

A version of this joke has been going round lately in Facebook.

Here is the original:

BOSSES

The insurance agent climbed the steps and rang the bell.

“Whom do you wish to see?” asked the careworn person who came to the door.

“I want to see the boss of the house,” replied the insurance agent. “Are you the boss?”

“No,” meekly returned the man who came to the door; “I’m only the husband of the boss. Step in, I’ll call the boss.”

The insurance agent took a seat in the hall, and in a short time a tall dignified woman appeared.

“So you want to see the boss?” repeated the woman. “Well, just step into the kitchen. This way, please. Bridget, this gentleman desires to see you.”

“Me th’ boss!” exclaimed Bridget, when the insurance agent asked her the question. “Indade Oi’m not! Sure here comes th’ boss now.”

She pointed to a small boy of ten years who was coming toward the house.

“Tell me,” pleaded the insurance agent, when the lad came into the kitchen, “are you the boss of the house?”

“Want to see the boss?” asked the boy. “Well, you just come with me.”

Wearily the insurance agent climbed up the stairs. He was ushered into a room on the second floor and guided to the crib of a sleeping baby.

“There!” exclaimed the boy, “that’s the real boss of this house.”

Birthday Scenario Game

Let us celebrate the occasion with wine and  sweet words.
– Plautus

Wouldn’t it be fun if just for one day a year you can have a wish or a dream come true.

And wouldn’t it be more exciting if these dreams are those unexpected of the otherworldy kind?!!!

From the list below, apparently I can switch lives with Harry Potter?  Would I really like to be Harry Potter?  I think I would prefer to be Hermoine Grainger!  I think she has more gumption.

If I could really choose my on scenario for my birthday, I would like to be a fly on the wall and flit from wall to wall where people who know me are talking about moi!  On the otherhand would it   Do I really want to know what people think about me? And on my birthday too?!!!  I think not.  Well I shall be Harry Potter instead! lol

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Something to think about!

Just Listen and do not interrupt! 😉

There are times when all you wanted is to get everything out of your system.  It would really help if people around you would just let you get on with your  ranting and raving.  

But the most thing that I hate when I am ready to start an argument is that people would say uninterestedly “of course you are right”  This sort of take the wind out of your sail.

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